Christmas 2010 (boring as hell!!)

This has to be the most boring Christmas of my life!!! Yeah, I really have nothing to say. I want to go back to work, and I want it to be January already. Bring in the New Year so I can finally have my life finally go the way I want to, and I can stop living day to day trying to achieve the lifestyle I want.

you make me feel like I'am living a teenage dream

So for a couple of days I have been thinking about my life and my relationship.
I have been dating my boyfriend since 9/29/2006=4 years. We were both 20 at the time when we first met and at first I didn't want to get together with him. I knew our close distance relationship was temporary and he'd be back in Japan by the summer. Plus he didn't seem that taller than me(but he was), didn't have that cool hair/fashion sense, and didn't speak much English. Technically speaking we weren't exactly that close in proximity. He was in New Paltz, NY and I was in the Bronx. Since we didn't have a car, that was 1hr30mins away + 30$ a bus ride to see one another every other weekend. I also felt that he would loose interest in me since we were from two different cultures and was just going to use me for his American let loose adventures. However, that wasn't the case for I was being pessimistic and my boyfriend was nothing but true with his intentions to be my boyfriend. I remember when I spent his birthday with him, he opened up to me about our relationship. He said he was so happy to be with me but he wondered if maybe there was a better guy for me because he knew due to his financial situation that this wouldn't be easy for me. For 4 years we tried to end this distance the best we could..He took two years out of school to save up money and continue his education here in the states to no avail. He finally gave up in March of 2009 informing me it was best he finished his education in Japan. I then decided I would try to go to Japan to get a job with no progress. So during this two year fail and try process we visited each other a total of 6 times, I traveling to Japan 2 times in 2008 and my boyfriend coming to America. During this time I guess one can say I grew very pessimistic about this distance conquering. I felt at this point the only way to end it was through marriage which was proposed by my boyfriend, but I knew I wasn't mature enough yet to handle marriage and I didn't want this to be the grounds on why I would do it. I never stopped loving my boyfriend, even though I know we both contemplated somewhere in our thoughts if this relationship should end. I know we wanted to prove to the outside world that an LDR could work,but our end date kept getting delayed.
My mother also started to get on my nerves somewhat...
She kept asking me what did I intend to do with my relationship with my boyfriend and what did he plan to do with me. I kept saying we are winging it here since we kept trying for two years to be closer together but it was very hard since immigration is a bitch. The last time she saw my boyfriend she asked him these very exact questions which really got him shaken up. He thought my mother didn't like him anymore because of his response which didn't seem to comfort my mother at all, not to mention a major language barrier.

Then comes my mentor...Ms. Linda a.k.a Linda Obachan..
She was my mother's childhood friend growing up who I met before when she first visited us back in 2009. She was the lady I heard about when I got into Japanese culture who my mother said got married to a Japanese guy, had a daughter, and moved to Japan to live there. I asked my mother if I could ever visit her but she said she lost her number and hasn't been in contact >(. They re-connected after Linda Obachan moved back to the states last year and came to visit my mom at our new house. We didn't speak much the first time she came, we just spoke briefly about my boyfriend and she told me about her life in Japan alittle bit but mainly spoke of her life in India doing Yoga. When she came back to visit again this year, she asked to speak to me one on one in her room...but I wasn't prepared for how in depth she was going to be. She started talking about my goals in life and particularly about my relationship with my boyfriend. She was really deep, I found I didn't have to talk much since she was really giving me advice on all of the things that were bothering me internally. I expressed to her that I felt my boyfriend had plans but didn't know how to act on them and would just spit them out like the air he breathed without doing enough research or showing me he was dead on to achieve them, and that's what had me worried. Linda Obachan explained since my boyfriend is from Kyushu, particularly Kagoshima, that they are not the kind of people who plan everything in detail, but go about life like the tide of the sea. However, this was not an excuse to demand what I wanted out of the relationship! She also told me if I am to live in Japan, I am not to be Japanese.Yeah don't be a weaboo people! She said just when you think you got the Japanese culture down, they'd bring up a new rule to make you realize your not. She even said that when she speaks Japanese she doesn't use a Japanese accent because people don't pay to see someone imitate being Japanese in her line of work, but to see an American person speaking Japanese. Linda obachan also said due to our family situation that Hisao and I are not an ideal match. Traditional Japanese culture in terms of family is that the first son must be responsible for his parents when they get older which my boyfriend is. I, being the only child is usually never married off to the first son. Not to mention both of our families do not live in the same country nor speak the same language, eliminating the chance of relocating our families to be closer in proximity. So she said be prepared if something happens to my boyfriends older sisters who agreed to take over his duties as the only son for we we might have to relocate to be with his mother. Linda obachan kept repeating over and over to me that this is my time to shine and sometimes the person you fall in love with when you're 20 isn't the person you marry. She didn't say this to say she didn't approve of us but that she wanted me to realize I deserve the best so don't settle. Linda obachan's words were just what I needed...I really felt I had no one to talk to about how I felt,and who better then to hear it from someone whose been what I was going through?

Surprisingly since my boyfriend knew Linda Obachan was in town, he wanted to also speak to her. This is where my boyfriend has super psychic skills, or I didn't get his mixi message the day before when I was talking to Ms. Linda, but he also had concerns which he felt she could best answer. I was abit scared to alert Ms. Linda since she just spoken to me, and I didn't want her to think I spoke to him so quickly about what transpired. But she also agreed to talk to my boyfriend and yeah...he got the talk too. My boyfriend said I couldn't be present but told me he just wanted to get her advice due to the situation that happened with my mom back in September. I thought she would just give him a mini advice speech since she spoke to be the night before and she wanted me to speak to him about it, but she didn't. She told my boyfriend that he basically had to man up! She said even though him being a hard worker was admirable, it wasn't enough if he kept working hard to survive for his goals and he'd have to earn my familiy's respect. Linda obachan told me that my boyfriend was a sweet,nice, and loveable person who even though she spoke to for 30minutes he won her over and she was rooting for us, but she still told me to keep an open mind but she hopes my boyfriend would start to grow up.

When I spoke to my boyfriend he apologized for everything, and got alil misty eyed. I didn't think he was about to cry and I feel pretty bad now that I had a disgusting tone when I said "OMG your not crying are you? (T_T)". My boyfriend said from that day on that he was going to be more of a man in the relationship. He said he was paying for my flight ticket to see him in march,he would apply for a green card or an h3 visa, will try to help me find work in Japan if I am unable to get into JET/Interac, and he will open up a restaurant once he got our future kids through school.

Growing up sucks!!
Let me re-write that once again: GROWING UP SUCKS!!! Because it seems you have to kill off your childhood self in order to become an adult. I guess thats what my boyfriend and I loved about our relationship is that we both were able to act like we weren't growing up. I felt we both satisfied our young adult fantasies about love and romance. But I understand that its time to stop living in la la land and grow up. We can still make each other feel young and happy with the love that we share, but also we must welcome stability into it as well. Because my boyfriend is the boy that I fell in love with when I was 20, and is the man I want to marry as an adult♥
So its time to seriously start building our future together.